What can I possibly say about Las Vegas that hasn't already been covered to death in pop culture? It is a place that exists solely to make one meditate on life, the human condition, and the $4.99 steak dinner. Yeah, there's not much new I can add to the conversation and who wants to rehash the old when so many others have done it so much better? But here are a couple of observations I have from Sin City:
-Youth of Vegas, you cannot be a gutterpunk with an iPhone. It matters not how many Dead Kennedy, D.O.A., and Black Flag patches you've crammed onto a beat leather jacket, nor how tight your pants are. The iPhone immediately cancels any street punk cred you thought you had. Now go home to your McMansion and your feuding parents and leave me alone.
-Either the people here are exceptionally complimentary or my decades of clean living and daily sunscreen application are paying off because no one believes I'm 32. When I was in my early 20s, everyone thought I was older and now I get carded to go on a timeshare sales pitch - where you have to be at least 25. I think I look older than 25. Maybe everyone else is just drunk.
-What has been done to the food that it is so cheap and plentiful here? I'm morbidly curious and terrified to know.
-Seeing the parade of humanity pass by on the strip has alternately made me feel exceptionally attractive and hopelessly untrendy. I can live with my non-trendy ways. Thanks for the ego boost Vegas!
-Everyone shakes their ass to Cee Lo's "Fuck You" because that song is a masterpiece of booty bouncing beats. Also, nearly everyone looks silly but happy when they do it.
I mean, how can you not?
On that note, I'm off. Time to dig deeper, drink more, and convince someone to gamble on my behalf.
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