My Kingdom for a Map

I have left the hustle of Sydney behind and am about to start my second full day in Melbourne. I wish I could say I was enjoying it more.  Maybe there was too much hype; everyone told me Melbourne would be my town.  It's full of coffee shops and markets and gardens, what else does a Catherine need?

A map, it turns out.  A comprehensive map, instead of the piecemeal neighborhood maps that don't entirely connect.  Because why would anyone need to know how to get from one neighborhood to the next? 

And decent weather.  It was overcast when I landed, burned off and got humid as I was trudging to my hostel, and then poured rain when I went out to explore.  

It's not like I'm not actually enjoying myself; there is a lot of good coffee here.  And the proprietors of said shops generally are fine with me sipping and reading to my heart's content.  It's just - I knew it was coming, I just didn't expect it quite this soon.  I'm not homesick, per se, but more annoyed with the effort it takes to do things that I don't think twice of doing at home.  Let me explain.  

I don't know where anything is: going to the post office yesterday was a quest of such tactical proportions that invasions have needed less plotting.  There were multiple maps to check, routes to plan, tram schedules to verify.  Really.  

Everything is hugely expensive here.  Witness my $18 movie in Sydney or my $4 ice cream cone (hey - you would want a treat if you had just planned the postal equivalent of D-day).  Why I actually handed money over for it, I don't know.  I think it was more out of habit than thought.  It was just a crappy drugstore ice cream cone, the kind wrapped in paper and sold out of ice cream trucks at the beach.  I didn't even enjoy it.  

The wi-fi.  Allegedly, Melbourne has city wide hotspots, where you can just hang out and use the wi-fi for free!  It's even marked on the map(s).  Despite having gone out of my way twice to use it, it has never worked.  Since the internet is my sole form of communication with friends and family, this is upsetting.  WHY DO YOU TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS, MELBOURNE???

If a Catherine visits a fry shop named Lord of the Fries and does not tweet about it, did she really eat those fries?

I can't help but feel like I'm doing this wrong.  Granted, it's my trip, I'm the only one who has to live through it or carry the memories (with apologies to anyone who feels the need to suffer through this blog), so whatever I choose to do or not do only affects me.  But I haven't seen any of the countryside yet, none of the natural wonders one associates with Australia.  Am I failing as a backpacker?

Now if you'll excuse me, it's actually supposed to be sunny today, so I'm going to find a public garden to read and nap in.